| Eventualities |
[Jul. 29th, 2009|01:41 pm] |
| [ | Point in rollercoaster: |
| | distantly thoughtful | ] |
Yeah, I know it's been a long time since I've posted anything at all.
So, how do I put this? I'm finally in striking range of graduating. With my Bachelor's degree. I'm itching for it. I want it to come now. It's around the corner.
Basically, what I'm saying is, despite the fact that I really, really want to grow up, I'm also looking forward to the freedom of not having any more goals to achieve. It's like hitting level 20 in Fallout, except that when you hit that cap, someone releases an expansion pack that raises that level to 30.
That being said, I'm considering three distinct options: Law school, PhD programs, and going out and finding a job. I feel strongly that I should work off the loans from my undergraduate campaign before I move on to another educational opportunity, but I also understand that path might take some of the wind out of my wings.
I've been talking to some people about shooting for a PhD, and I feel like this might be the best fit for what I want to do. I'll post again later explaining the three options and what they'd offer me. |
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| Halloween ideas |
[Nov. 1st, 2008|07:47 pm] |
Don't forget to try these next year:
Captain Morgan
A better Nathan Explosion
The Crow |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 27th, 2008|04:40 pm] |
Created by OnePlusYou - Free Online Dating
303 times in 30 seconds on the first try.
220 times in 30 seconds on the second try.
Strange.
I started paddling on the second one. |
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| Year in Review |
[Dec. 30th, 2007|03:30 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | 49 Fullin Road | ] |
| [ | Point in rollercoaster: |
| | cold | ] |
| [ | TUNES: |
| | Movie called "Code 46" | ] |
It's been an interesting year.
Starting in January, I began managing Louie's Lunch, opening a new chapter in irresponsibility. It was fun, but there were many mishaps along the way.
In February, I realized that I was becoming depressed. Separation from my friends over time was killing my urge to regrow damaged thought processes.
In March, nothing changed. I grew close with Lucas Sherwood, and spent much time in the woods. I bought my first two guns. I hit 21, didn't celebrate very much. My birthday happened to land on Initiation, and I didn't celebrate. I somewhat regret not having celebrated, but it is moot at this point.
In April, nothing changed. Until Ellen. She pulled me out of some dark spots, and I started walking tall again.
In May, an interesting summer of love started. Not half as much crazy as the summer of '06, but fun.
In June, nothing changed.
In July, nothing changed.
In August, I snapped. I needed change. I quit my job after my Ford Taurus began to die, and packed up my shit and left. I went home.
In September, I visited Ithaca twice. I started going to school at NCC again. It was easy.
In October, I visited Ithaca twice. I continued going to school at NCC. It was easy. I started complaining about my lack of a job.
In November, I visited Ithaca twice. I continued going to school at NCC. It was easy. I found a job working at a Sports Authority.
In December, I didn't visit Ithaca. I went to Jersey to see Ellen. I got great grades at NCC. It was easy. I quit my job at Sports Authority.
Made new friends, and lost many friends both old and new. Distance is growing around me, and I'm starting to feel like I did five years ago. Story of my life.
Cornell is seeming like a phase now that they've started to actively ignore my requests for help. I still fully intend to go back for Rush Week, but I have a feeling that I should stop returning. The pain is simply too strong.
I don't know. I want to go back to Ithaca, and I want to continue my life there. My beautifully transient life. It was so good. |
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| Frustration |
[Nov. 17th, 2007|10:47 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Hell | ] |
| [ | TUNES: |
| | Suicide Machines - I Hate Everything | ] |
So I come home from work at 10:30...
And I smell beer.
I know that smell. Keystone, my nose tells me.
My first thought is verified rather quickly: my little brother had thrown a party while my parents were in Manhattan and I was at work.
Fucker.
The balls on that kid. |
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| Loss |
[Oct. 12th, 2007|05:23 am] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Hell | ] |
| [ | Point in rollercoaster: |
| | depressed | ] |
| [ | TUNES: |
| | Queensryche - Silent Lucidity | ] |
I left Norwalk; it was my home. I was warm there, surrounded by family. I was comfortable.
I left Ithaca; it was my home. I was warm there, surrounded by friends. I was comfortable.
I returned to Norwalk; it was my home. I am cold here, isolated from everyone. I can't sleep.
I'm trying to build new friendships, since my family is lost anyway.
The only real friends I have here are my books. My studies are no consolation.
I'm getting good grades in my exams. But attaining these grades is, for all intents and purposes, extremely comparable to defeating a particularly easy video-game boss. Or puzzle. Basically, there is no real joy in them; I should get them because I am able to. So I do.
I've stopped gaming, really. Music is something for driving, now. I've stopped watching movies; they play, but I'm not watching. I've lost the will to leave my house except for classes and more books.
I feel like my mind is slipping.
I've been reading for fourteen hours, with only a couple of minutes' rest.
The pages are talking to me, and I'm responding by making more pages.
I'm writing more and more and more and more.
I feel like I'm bleeding all over the ground. Bleeding my memories; my identity. Putting it on paper, I feel like I'm losing myself.
My memories are leaving my head, becoming binary representations of themselves.
These writings are becoming alive.
I feel like I'm defining myself, by accident.
I just hope I get it right. |
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| Hell yeah. |
[Sep. 28th, 2007|04:05 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Hell | ] |
| [ | TUNES: |
| | A Perfect Circle - Magdalena | ] |
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| Problems with being me: |
[Jul. 6th, 2007|09:32 pm] |
I make alot of time for other people.
This is a problem, because I know that most of that time will never come back to me.
I'm fairly secure in myself now.
This is a problem, because people don't expect me to be insecure, and therefore don't think to look for it.
I could have used company tonight. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 31st, 2007|02:11 am] |
I tried to make a point come across tonight and it backfired in a way I've never experienced.
I can hardly see my keys, and it hurts me.
I have to stop halfway through my sentences, and it hurts me.
I know why I'm crying, but I don't know why it started.
I tried to describe people tonight and my mind shot itself.
Perception is everything. |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 29th, 2007|08:21 pm] |
I just realized why I failed out of Cornell: I'm far too carefree. |
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